So interesting such a shift in perspective going on out there. Since my mid twenties people have been asking when are you going to get married and have children? I would always say I am NOT getting married and NOT having children. Never went over well with the popular view on this. People either condemned me, put me down for being selfish, or just didn’t want to be friends with me if I wasn’t going to keep up with the races. I did get married and was honest with my husband before getting married about not wanting to bring children into the world. He felt the same, not an issue for him. After you are married the questions come even more. When are you going to have a baby, you’re getting older, you should do it now, everyone is having kids. I never felt this was something I wanted to do. Plus, happiness is a very individual thing.
SO INTERESTING WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW AROUND THE BABY TOPIC. I have been hearing, you guys are lucky you don’t have kids. I had one girl in her mid 20’s up in NH say, you guys are here early? Don’t you have kids? Why don’t you have kids? What do you do for a living? I am an honest person so I said, I never wanted to bring a child into the world. I am a psychologist, I have a private practice in Raynham, MA, I have 5 employees, run a mindfulness group, and I am very happy and busy. Her mouth dropped. She said, wow. I want to be like you. So interesting? I hear similar things all the time now such as, good decision not having kids. I hear how their kids are struggling with various issues and how they have no time, their marriages are struggling, or they are on the verge of a divorce. While I was at my OB/GYN visit the nurse knows me and said good for you to be strong and not fall into the trap of having kids, and then she said, I MEAN IT! She has one and she said it’s been wonderful, but also a LOT of heartache. I had one woman send me an article with the title, Are People Brilliant or Selfish for Not Having Children? Children do get older and sometimes they end up with serious problems which is heartbreaking for parents and families.
More and more women and men are staying single longer and when married are DECIDING not to have children. I have never thought this was selfish. If people are more conscious of what truly makes them happy good for them! Maybe it is selfish to bring children into the world and expect them to be happy when many have not figured out what true happiness is for themselves?
Dr. Melissa Samartano, PhD.,LMHC, RYT
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